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We know the terminology that’s out there for describing sexuality in all of its many, many forms is confusing. But help is here! Use this page to clear up the basic terminology and learn how to talk the talk.



Ally: In the LGBT context, a person who supports and honors sexual and gender diversity, acts accordingly to challenge homophobic, heterosexist, and transphobic remarks and behaviors, and is willing to explore and understand these forms of bias within him/her/hirself.

Asexual: Designation or self-designation for people who lack feelings of “sexual attraction” and/or “sexual desire.” There is debate as to whether this is a “sexual dysfunction” or an actual “sexual orientation.” The term is also sometimes used as a “gender identity” by those who believe their lack of sexual attraction places them outside the standard definitions of “gender.”

Biphobia: The fear of, discrimination against, or hatred of bisexuals by people of any sexual orientation. Biphobic stereotypes include, but are not limited to: promiscuity, polygamy, living the swinging lifestyle, and being confused. In some cases, bisexuals are accused of bringing sexually transmitted disease into the heterosexual community or into the lesbian community. Gays and lesbians who express biphobia might accuse bisexuals of maintaining heterosexual privilege and collaborating with homophobes. The belief that that bisexuality does not truly exist is another example of biphobia.

Bisexual (bi): An individual who is physically, romantically, emotionally and/or spiritually attracted to men and women. Bisexuals need not have had equal sexual experience with both men and women; in fact, they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify as bisexual.

Boydyke: A lesbian or bisexual woman, who chooses the "dyke" label to identify with that group's politics and community, and also identifies as boyish or as a boy. It can be a transgender identity in which a person stands with one foot in the "boy" world and one in the "dyke" world, or simply an adjective for someone who performs “butchness” in a certain way.

Butch: Used as an adjective - "I'm butch" or "I'm a butch woman" as opposed to a noun "I am a Butch". The term is used to describe lesbians, gay men and bisexuals. It can be used to describe straight men and women also, though this is less common. It is most commonly used to describe women who take on or embody culturally defined masculine traits. As with anyone who displays “masculine traits, a self-identified butch woman may or may not be sexually aggressive.

CAYA: A Drake term that stands for Come As You Are. The CAYA house is open to people of all different backgrounds, with all different baggage. The CAYA house is a safe space. To find it, click here [link to locate us].

Civil Union: Legal recognition of committed same-sex relationships in Connecticut, New Jersey & Vermont (see IN FOCUS: Civil Unions, Domestic Partnerships and Adoption).

Closeted: Describes a person who is not open about his or her sexual orientation.

Coming Out: A lifelong process of self-acceptance. People forge a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender identity first to themselves and then may reveal it to others. Publicly identifying one's sexual orientation may or may not be part of coming out.

Domestic Partnership: Civil or legal recognition of a relationship between two people (domestic partners) that sometimes extends limited protections to them.

Down Low: A term used to refer to men who maintain a heterosexual identity and lifestyle in their daily lives, but engage in same-sex intercourse as a secret part of their lives.

Drag: The act of dressing in gendered clothing as part of a performance. Drag may be performed as a political comment on gender, as parody, or simply as entertainment. Drag performance does not indicate sexuality, gender identity, or sex identity.

Drag Queen: A gay man who performs using exaggerated forms of feminine attire and attitudes, usually for performance or entertainment purposes.

Drag King: A lesbian who performs using exaggerated forms of masculine attire and attitudes, usually for performance or entertainment purposes.

Family of choice (chosen family): Persons or group of people an individual sees as significant in his or her life. It may include none, all, or some members of hir family of origin. In addition, it may include individuals such as significant others, domestic partners, friends, and coworkers.

Femme: Might be considered the opposite of “butch.” “Femme” is also an adjective – as in, “I’m a femme.” People who are femme usually identify as women and express themselves in ways culturally considered feminine.

FTM: Female to Male Transsexual.

Gay: The adjective used to describe people whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attractions are to people of the same sex (e.g., gay man, gay people). In contemporary contexts, lesbian (n.) is often a preferred term for women. Avoid identifying gay people as "homosexuals"

Gender: A socially constructed collect of traits, behaviors, and meanings that have been traditionally attributed to biological differences.

Gender Expression: Outward behaviors and appearances (e.g. hair, clothing, voice, body language) by which people manifest their gender identity or gender choices.

Gender Identity: The gender that a person sees themselves as. This can include identifying as a combination of genders or refusing to label oneself with a gender. Gender identity is often confused with or considered tied to sexual orientation, but this is inaccurate. Gender identity and sexual orientation are exclusive off each other. For example, a woman who identifies with a masculine gender is not necessarily a lesbian.

Gender-neutral: Nondiscriminatory language usage that can apply equal to people of any gender identity. “Spouse” and “partner” are gender-neutral alternatives to the gender-specific words “husband,” “wife,” “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” The use of the gender-neutral pronouns “ze” (instead of she/he) and “hir” (instead of his/her) are preferred by some as a way to inclusive of all genders in language use.

Gender Queer, Gender Benders, Gender Variant, Gender Outlaws, Gender Non-Conformist, etc.: A person who redefines or plays with gender, or who refuses gender altogether. A label for people who bend/break the rules of gender and blur the boundaries.

Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS)/Gender Confirmation Surgery/Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS): Surgery to make a person’s outward physical appearance conform more closely with their gender identity. Not all transsexuals feel the need to have surgery; however, the surgery is required in all states in order to change the sex on one’s birth certificate, driver’s license or passport, etc. Such surgery is also often necessary to “pass” in society and avoid daily harassment.

Gender Roles: Are the socially constructed and culturally specific norms of behavior and appearance expectations imposed based on biological sex (i.e. femininity and masculinity).

Gender-Variant/Gender Non-Conforming: Displaying culturally specific gender traits that are not normatively associated with their biological sex. “Feminine” behavior or appearance in a male is gender-variant as is “masculine” behavior or appearance a female.

Heterosexism: The attitude that heterosexuality is the only valid sexual orientation. Often takes the form of ignoring lesbians, gay men and bisexuals. For example: a feature on numerous Valentine's Day couples that omit same-sex couples.

Heterosexual Man / Woman: A person whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attraction is to people of the opposite sex. Also straight.

Heterosexual Privilege: Benefits derived automatically by being (or being perceived as) heterosexual that are denied to homosexuals, bisexuals, and queers.

Homosexual: Outdated clinical term considered derogatory and offensive by many gay people. Gay and/or lesbian accurately describe people who are attracted to members of the same sex.

Hormone Replacement Therapy: Taking hormones to enable one’s outward appearance to conform more closely to one’s inner gender identity.

Homophobia: Fear of lesbians and gay men. Prejudice is usually a more accurate description of hatred or antipathy toward LGBT people.

Intersex: A naturally occurring condition that affects the reproductive and sexual system. Intersex people are born with sex chromosomes, external genitalia, or internal reproductive systems that are not considered "standard" for either male or female. The existence of intersexuals is evidence of the reality that there are not just two sexes and that our ways of thinking about sex (trying to force everyone to fit into either the male box or the female box) is socially constructed.

Lesbian: A woman whose enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attraction is to other women. Avoid identifying lesbians as "homosexuals," a derogatory term.

LGBT / GLBT: Acronyms for "lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender." LGBT and/or GLBT are often used because they are more inclusive of the diversity of the community.

LGBTQQIA: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersexed, Ally.

Lifestyle: Inaccurate term often used by anti-gay extremists to denigrate lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender lives. Avoid using. As there is no one heterosexual or straight lifestyle, there is no one lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender lifestyle.

MTF: Male to Female Transsexual.

Openly Gay: Describes people who self-identify as lesbian or gay in their public and/or professional lives. Also openly lesbian, openly bisexual, openly transgender.

Outing: The act of publicly declaring (sometimes based on rumor and/or speculation) or revealing another person's sexual orientation without his or her consent. Considered inappropriate by a large portion of the LGBT community.

Pansexual: A person who is fluid in sexual orientation and/or gender or sex identity.

Polyamory: The practice of having multiple open, honest love relationships.

Queens: People who identify as men, are attracted to other people who identify as men, and adopt mannerisms culturally considered “feminine.”

Queer: Traditionally a pejorative term, queer has been appropriated by some LGBT people to describe themselves. Some value the term for its defiance and because it can be inclusive of the entire LGBT community. Nevertheless, it is not universally accepted even within the LGBT community and should be avoided unless quoting someone who self-identifies that way.

Real Life Test (RLT): The generally required period of time during which a transsexual lives in the “target” gender (the gender the transsexual knows hirself to be) before undergoing surgery.

Sex: Refers to a person based on their anatomy (external genitalia, chromosomes, and internal reproductive system). Sex terms are male, female, transsexual, and intersex. Sex can be thought of as biological gender, where social views and experiences of sex are cultural.

Sex Identity: The sex that a person sees themselves as. This can include refusing to label oneself with a sex.

Sexual Orientation The scientifically accurate term for an individual's enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attraction to members of the same and/or opposite sex, including lesbian, gay, bisexual and heterosexual orientations. Avoid the offensive term "sexual preference," which is used to suggest that being gay or lesbian is a choice and therefore "curable."

Sexual Preference: What a person likes or prefers to do sexually; a conscious recognition or choice not to be confused with the sexual orientation one identifies with.

Sodomy Laws Historically used to selectively persecute gay men, lesbians and bisexuals, the state laws often referred to as "sodomy laws" were ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court in Lawrence v. Texas (2003). "Sodomy" should never be used to describe gay, lesbian or bisexual relationships, sex or sexuality.

Straight: Person who is attracted to a gender other than their own, also called “heterosexual.” Commonly thought of as “attraction to the opposite gender,” but since there are not only two genders (see transgender), this definition is inaccurate.

Top Surgery: Surgery to reduce the size of one’s breasts and/or to reconstruct one’s chest.

Transgender (transgendered, trans, or TG): “Transgender” is often used as an umbrella term and refers most broadly to those who transgress societal gender norms. Generally, people who identify as transgender exhibit some behavior or traits that falls outside of traditional gender expectations. Transgender is often used to include people who identify as androgynous, as cross-dressers, as gender-benders or gender queer, and as transsexuals. Some intersex individuals identify as transgender. The boundaries of the term transgender are not rigid and the term is used differently in different contexts (i.e.: medical/psychological, academic, etc.)

Transphobia: Fear, hatred, or discomfort with transgender people and with the blurring of gender boundaries manifested through violence, harassment and various forms of discrimination and invisibility.

Transsexual: A person whose gender identity differs from what is culturally associated with their biological sex at birth. Some, but not all, transsexuals wish to change their bodies to be congruent with their gender identity through sex reassignment surgery. Many transsexual people refer to themselves as transgendered.

Two-Spirited: An umbrella term for third-gender people used among Native American and Canadian First Nations tribes. It usually implies a masculine spirit and a feminine spirit living in the same body. It is also used more generally by LGBT and intersex Native Americans to describe themselves. Two-Spirited people traditionally had distinct gender and social roles in their tribes. Some are counselors while others are medicine persons or spiritual functionaries. They study skills including story telling, theater, magic, hypnotism, healing, herbal medicine, ventriloquism, singing, music and dance.

Sources: www.glaad.org and www.aglbical.org