We’ve all seen her before—the “clinger.” She has her nails so deep in her poor boyfriend that what may look like a loyal bond is really a vise grip of jealousy and insecurity. Nobody likes clingers. They’re suffocating, demanding, and hard to get rid of. But if you’ve become that person, the first step is recognizing you have a problem.
Recognizing the red flags:
The Stalker. You signed up for your school’s mega sports fan club just because he did. Now you can go to all the games together—even though you don’t like sports.
The Budding Relationship. You’re constantly scanning his Facebook for suspicious wall posts and comments. The only girls who can post on his wall and not require further investigation are his mom and sister.
The Long-Term Commitment. You realize your friends have stopped texting you to make plans, because they know that any moment you have is non-negotiable—it must be spent with your boyfriend.
The Hook-Up. Go through your sent messages. If you’ve sent more than two asking how the previous night went and where you stand, you’re coming on too strong. Give the dude some space.
If you can recognize more than one of these red flags as your own doing, don’t ignore them—they’re the tell-tale signs of trouble. Believe me, I used to have clinging problems. Almost two years ago, I noticed my friends’ sympathizing half smiles when all I would talk about was my then-love interest—how many times I had seen him that day, what he ate for lunch, and how much I adored that dimply smile of his. Oh, and we weren’t even dating. Hopefully your friends will straight-up tell you, “Stop it. This is unhealthy.” Don’t ignore them. They’re just looking out for you.
So you’re a clinger. What the heck do you do now?
The Stalker. Re-evaluate your life and get one of your own. Get your nose out of his Facebook profile and smell the flowers, because life is moving on without you.
The Budding Relationship. Make sure your text conversations don’t look like this:
You: When will I see you again?
Him: Uhh, Wednesday?
You: WHEN on Wednesday?
Him: After my class.
You: When’s your class done? I can’t wait to see you!
Him: 8 p.m.
You: Yay! See you then! <3
The Long-Term Commitment. Control yourself. If he hasn’t responded to your text after 10 minutes, don’t initiate another conversation over Facebook chat.
The Hook-Up. Go with the flow. Even if your “morning after” wasn’t awkward, tread lightly. Don’t remove the “single” from your Facebook just yet. It’ll freak him out.
I’m going through clinger rehab and it’s been pretty good for me. Eventually, I learned how to put the kibosh on my tendencies to cling. If the guy I was dating wasn’t online by a certain time each night, I learned that it didn’t mean he was cheating on me, or worse, had gotten into some kind of freak accident on the way home from the library. And if I ever felt the urge to text him more than five times before I received an adequate response, I firmly told myself, “Look, this isn’t getting you anywhere, and you’re being creepy.” I would then hand my phone to my trusted friend, who’d hold it hostage until I was ready to behave myself.
And guys, don’t think you’re off the hook—you can fall victim to clinger syndrome just as easily as girls can. If you’re sending pictures of engagement rings to her cell while professing your undying love, cut it out. She’ll want to dump you so fast your head will spin. Girls like their personal space, too.
So every once in a while, take a step back and evaluate your romantic situation. If you find yourself freaking out when he doesn’t call, text, or get online by the time you agreed to talk, there’s a problem—you’re too clingy. Give the boy some space, and you’ll be on your way to a healthier relationship in no time.
Direct link to this page: http://orgs.l3.drake.edu/drake-mag/Say-What/Clinging.html
Recognizing the red flags:
The Stalker. You signed up for your school’s mega sports fan club just because he did. Now you can go to all the games together—even though you don’t like sports.
The Budding Relationship. You’re constantly scanning his Facebook for suspicious wall posts and comments. The only girls who can post on his wall and not require further investigation are his mom and sister.
The Long-Term Commitment. You realize your friends have stopped texting you to make plans, because they know that any moment you have is non-negotiable—it must be spent with your boyfriend.
The Hook-Up. Go through your sent messages. If you’ve sent more than two asking how the previous night went and where you stand, you’re coming on too strong. Give the dude some space.
If you can recognize more than one of these red flags as your own doing, don’t ignore them—they’re the tell-tale signs of trouble. Believe me, I used to have clinging problems. Almost two years ago, I noticed my friends’ sympathizing half smiles when all I would talk about was my then-love interest—how many times I had seen him that day, what he ate for lunch, and how much I adored that dimply smile of his. Oh, and we weren’t even dating. Hopefully your friends will straight-up tell you, “Stop it. This is unhealthy.” Don’t ignore them. They’re just looking out for you.
So you’re a clinger. What the heck do you do now?
The Stalker. Re-evaluate your life and get one of your own. Get your nose out of his Facebook profile and smell the flowers, because life is moving on without you.
The Budding Relationship. Make sure your text conversations don’t look like this:
You: When will I see you again?
Him: Uhh, Wednesday?
You: WHEN on Wednesday?
Him: After my class.
You: When’s your class done? I can’t wait to see you!
Him: 8 p.m.
You: Yay! See you then! <3
The Long-Term Commitment. Control yourself. If he hasn’t responded to your text after 10 minutes, don’t initiate another conversation over Facebook chat.
The Hook-Up. Go with the flow. Even if your “morning after” wasn’t awkward, tread lightly. Don’t remove the “single” from your Facebook just yet. It’ll freak him out.
I’m going through clinger rehab and it’s been pretty good for me. Eventually, I learned how to put the kibosh on my tendencies to cling. If the guy I was dating wasn’t online by a certain time each night, I learned that it didn’t mean he was cheating on me, or worse, had gotten into some kind of freak accident on the way home from the library. And if I ever felt the urge to text him more than five times before I received an adequate response, I firmly told myself, “Look, this isn’t getting you anywhere, and you’re being creepy.” I would then hand my phone to my trusted friend, who’d hold it hostage until I was ready to behave myself.
And guys, don’t think you’re off the hook—you can fall victim to clinger syndrome just as easily as girls can. If you’re sending pictures of engagement rings to her cell while professing your undying love, cut it out. She’ll want to dump you so fast your head will spin. Girls like their personal space, too.
So every once in a while, take a step back and evaluate your romantic situation. If you find yourself freaking out when he doesn’t call, text, or get online by the time you agreed to talk, there’s a problem—you’re too clingy. Give the boy some space, and you’ll be on your way to a healthier relationship in no time.
Direct link to this page: http://orgs.l3.drake.edu/drake-mag/Say-What/Clinging.html