Oh Baby!
Juggling classes and children isn’t easy. These sites will help even the most informed baby mama. And even if your eggo wasn’t, isn’t, or won’t soon be preggo, snooping around these sites is still addicting. Trust us.
Babyuniverse.com—Check out one of the largest selections of baby gear online. Because what new mom really has time to leave the house to shop?
Kidsurplus.com—Kids ain't cheap. Find discount prices on over 18,000 name brand kid supplies at this site.
Parenting.org—Get free parenting advice at this site. Trust us, you don't know it all.
Mothering.com—You won’t find the valuable info on this natural family living site anywhere else. Connect with other mamas on one of their many forums.
Cookiemag.com—From style tips to entertainment reviews, this Cookie magazine remembers you're still a woman even after you become a mom.
Labor of Love
From B.A.s to bottles, these college students balance exams, work, and motherhood.
Words by Justine Blanchard
For most students, the thought of having a child while still in college is terrifying. Late night feedings, fussy infants, and endless dirty diapers would definitely put a crimp in anyone’s social life. But when Jessica Ramos and Kristen Hill, two college seniors, became pregnant while still in school, they chose to turn this could-be obstacle into a chance to discover their own strength—and to count their blessings.
Jessica Ramos
Age: 21
School: Indiana University Bloomington
Major: Apparel merchandising with a minor in business, senior
Graduating: December 2008
Up until the month before her twentieth birthday, Jessica Ramos’s life resembled any other college student’s. An only child, Ramos was used to things revolving around her. “I wasn’t very independent at all,” Ramos says. “I didn’t make doctor appointments or anything like that. I didn’t work during the school year. I had no major responsibilities.” When she went to college, Ramos focused on school and her active social life with her sorority. Her freshman year, she reconnected with a guy she’d known in high school, and the two became inseparable.
Almost two years later, a month before she turned 20, Ramos found out she was pregnant. “My initial reaction wasn’t really bad,” Ramos says. “I was scared, but at the same time I knew everything would be ok. My boyfriend and I were really in love, and we had talked about having a baby. But at the same time I knew I wasn’t prepared.”
Despite her apprehensions, Ramos and her boyfriend were excited about the prospect of being parents—at least at first. A few months into the pregnancy, Ramos’ boyfriend unexpectedly split. “It was pretty devastating,” Ramos says. “He just broke up with me without a good reason and still can’t tell me why to this day.” Even without the prospect of marrying her child’s father, Ramos still found support from family and friends—something she says helped a tremendous amount.
Others couldn’t do everything for her, though. Suddenly Ramos found herself responsible for her own health, scheduling doctor appointments and checkups. Nights partying with friends were traded for evenings at home. But her new obligations never made her doubt her decision to stay in school. “I never considered dropping out,” Ramos says. “I didn’t even take time off when I had her. I was in class until the day I went into labor, and I came back five days after I had her because I had a review session for an exam the following week and I wanted to make sure I didn’t fall behind.”
She made the decision to stay at IU Bloomington, despite there being a branch of the university closer to her family, because she didn’t want to let any of her goals slip away. And even though she was behind in her major, Ramos decided to cram the classes she needed into an extra semester, instead of a year, so she could still graduate in 2008. The schedule would be grueling, but Ramos refused to give up on her dreams.
Things didn’t get easier after her daughter was born. “[Since having] the baby, my life is nothing like it was before,” she says. “I don’t get to sleep when I’m tired—I sleep when she goes to bed and wake up when she does. I have a very strict time schedule since it’s only me at school.”
Ramos is typically in class from 8:00 to 10:45 A.M., then work until 3:00 P.M. Then she has time to do a couple hours of homework until she has to pick her daughter up from daycare at 5:30. The rest of the day is devoted to her child until she can crash at eleven. “I haven’t taken a nap in over a year,” Ramos says. “I’m always tired. I have a lot of pressure on me. Having a child in school is tough with two parents, and right now it’s me doing it all.” Her boyfriend is involved in their child’s life, but he lives three hours away, leaving the day-to-day responsibilities squarely on Ramos’ shoulders.
Even though the life she’s living isn’t the one she initially planned, Ramos doesn’t regret her decision. “The most rewarding thing is knowing that I have this wonderful person in my life who has completely changed me for the better,” Ramos says. “I’m not a baby anymore, and I have grown so much. It’s crazy to think that I am shaping her life as well, and I’m going to set the best example that I can for her.”
Though she struggles with money, scheduling, and keeping her sanity, Ramos’ uphill battle has been one that’s left her stronger than she ever thought she could be.
Kristen Hill
Age: 22
School: University of Georgia
Major: Animal Science, senior
Graduating: May 2008
The summer before her sophomore year of college, Kristen Hill was still adjusting to life away from her family. She was nineteen when she met Daniel, then 22, at a club. The two hit it off and started dating. Eight months later, Hill found out she was pregnant. “It didn’t really sink in for a long time after I found out,” she says. “At first I was scared to death—my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.”
After she and Daniel had discussed it, though, Hill felt more optimistic. “We decided it wasn’t a bad thing if you didn’t think about it like that,” she says. “I figured God wouldn’t have put this baby inside of me if he didn’t want me to have it.” Now the only thing left to do was work up the courage to tell her parents. Hill discussed her options with her mother—abortion was never considered—and her mom finally said she would support whatever Hill chose to do. Afraid of what he might say, she let her mom tell her father. “He was really angry about it, so I refused to talk to him for about a week,” Hill says. “At that time, he had cooled down and said he would support me also.”
Despite her parents’ backing, Hill’s problems were far from over. Before having her baby, she spent her day doing whatever she wanted. Between surfing online, vegging out watching “American Idol” with her friends, or staying up past midnight talking to her boyfriend, there was little to dictate how she had to spend her time. That all changed when she got pregnant.
Hill and her boyfriend got engaged and moved in together. Days were filled with school, then work. At night she usually went to bed early. Her evening options were limited now that she had another person to consider. “Of course, I couldn’t drink alcohol anymore, and I had to be aware of where I went so I could avoid places where people were smoking,” Hill says. That ruled out barhopping with her friends. And after her son was born, she had too much on her plate to have the energy to stay up late anyway.
The biggest issue Hill and her now husband faced was money. “It’s hard to live off of student loans, and my husband recently started his own business, so it doesn’t bring in much money yet,” Hill says. “I can’t work during the day because of school, can’t work in the evenings because of the kids, and can’t work at night because I would probably die from lack of sleep.” She considered dropping out of school to get a full-time job and help with the bills, but her husband and parents made her stay. “I felt kind of useless at the time since I couldn’t help make money,” Hill says. “But my husband said he would work multiple jobs to support us, and my parents were willing to help with our rent.”
Hill graduates in May and hopes to get a job doing animal pharmaceutical research or as a county 4-H agent. She and Daniel had another son last year, in addition to another son of Daniel’s. Even though this sometimes makes for a chaotic schedule of daycare, work, and classes, Hill has never questioned whether she was doing the right thing. “Many people say things to me like, ‘I don’t know how you do it,’ or ‘You must be superwoman,’” Hill says. “I’ve also had people tell me they respect and admire me for having kids and staying in school. I think that is one of the biggest things that keep me going. I want to be an example for others to show that it can be done—a child is not the end of the world. They’re definitely blessings.”
Dispelling the stigma that a young mother won’t get a degree is important to Hill. She says she wants student mothers to maintain their self-esteem and expect more of themselves, and hopes society will learn to support them. “I feel like people stare at a young girl with two small kids or are silently judging me in their heads,” she says. “They assume I’m just an irresponsible young girl who slept around, got pregnant, dropped out of school, and am now living on welfare.”
Fortunately, Hill’s circle of family and friends kept her going for her degree. “I’ve gone through very emotional and stressful times, and having my family, my husband, and my friends there for me is what saved my sanity,” she says. Not to mention the rewards of watching her sons grow. “The most rewarding thing has been seeing them grow up and learn things,” she says. “Each of these things is new to them, and everything they discover they can do is so exciting.” Hill hopes that by obtaining her degree she will help set a new, more encouraging standard for student mothers.
