Getting through the day
Being away from the person you love for lengthy periods of time can tough. Our military wives suggest these tips for making it as a military wife.

Surround yourself with friends and family. While Jamaica’s husband was deployed, she found the separation easier to handle while she was with her family.

Find a hobby. Our military wives found that keeping busy was a great way to stay entertained and keep from worrying. Courtney found it easy staying active through her schoolwork and job.

Find others in similar situations. Living on base, Jamaica found it easier to find support with other military wives going through the same emotions.

Get into a routine. Life changes when your spouse is deployed and it’s important to adjust to those changes. “It’s nice to get into a routine—it gives you stability,” says Jamaica.

“Army Strong.” “The Few. The Proud.” Most people hear these U.S. military slogans without thinking twice. But these catch phrases don’t just describe soldiers. They also characterize those who support them and sacrifice for them—their spouses.

Jamaica Peoples and Courtney Galloway-Denison are two of these military wives, strong and proud.

Jamaica met her husband, James, in 2003 while they were both attending the University of Nebraska-Lincoln (UNL). Over a year later, in November 2005, James proposed. The decision Jamaica made to accept her husband’s proposal would change her lifestyle drastically. In a turn of events, she went from girlfriend and student to wife and support system.

Courtney met her husband, Jace, at her first college party at Drake University in the fall of 2005. She was a freshman, and he was a senior. After dating for about a year, Jace popped the question on New Year’s Eve 2006. Courtney happily accepted.

The stories are even more similar than they sound—both James and Jace are in the military. The women accepted their proposals knowing the lifestyle would be hard, but also believing it would be worth it.

Time apart
One of the hardest parts of a military romance is the distance. During Jamaica and James’ relationship, James went on two tours to Iraq, once in March 2005 and then again in August 2007.

Even when the soldiers aren’t deployed, they’re still on duty and can have some peculiar schedules. “[Military spouses] don’t have the luxury of having our spouse come home to us at a decent hour every night,” Jamaica says. “He doesn’t have a nine-to-five.”

The hardest part of having a husband in uniform is what he misses when he’s gone. Shortly after James departed for his second tour, Jamaica learned she was pregnant. She says this was her worst experience as a military wife because she had to tell her husband about their pregnancy in an e-mail. During this time, James’ deployment was extended— increasing the odds of him missing the birth. Luckily, he arrived home six days before the birth of their son, Malaki. “I think the hardest thing is having to watch my son grow and learn new things without my husband here to witness them,” Jamaica says.
Courtney can relate to missing her hubby on a regular basis. Ever since Jace graduated in 2006, he and Courtney go six months at a time without seeing each other. Now that he’s stationed in South Korea, things are even tougher. Courtney visited her husband over her winter break, despite advisements from her doctor not to travel since she had an injured ankle.

Married to the military
It’s not easy, but there are some advantages to a military life. Married military couples receive a monthly stipend. Courtney receives a standard-of-living check to cover her rent and food expenses along with separation pay. Her husband’s pay has also gone up since they wed.

Health insurance is another important benefit. Three health care options exist for military members and their families, one of which has no annual deductible, enrollment fee, or co- payments. “We basically get full coverage,” Courtney says.

Jamaica also finds other benefits in her situation. No matter where her husband goes, she intends to follow. This will give her the opportunity to live in different parts of the world. But Jamaica doesn’t consider globe trotting the best military perk. “I have the pride of being a Marine wife,” Jamaica says.

For better or for worse
In order to be with her husband, Jamaica has sacrificed many things. At the age of 21, she decided to pick up her life and move to Twentynine Palms, California to live with her husband on the military base. This move caused her to transfer from UNL and live miles away from her family and friends. “We have to sit and wait for the Marine Corps to direct our lives,” says Jamaica. “You never know where you may be tomorrow.”

Although her situation wasn’t ideal, Jamaica found ways to adjust. As soon as she moved on base, she continued to attend school full-time and got her degree in psychology in 2007. She also makes sure she visits her family as often as she can, especially while James is deployed. “I did sacrifice being close to my family and friends, starting a career, and put my education on hold to come and be with him,” says Jamaica. “But it was something I chose to do because I love him.”

Courtney’s pushing herself to graduate this spring, a year early, so she can permanently live with her husband. Luckily, she was already a semester ahead before she entered college, but she has still has had to take a hefty course load. In the past three semesters Courtney has taken 18, 19 and 21 credits in addition to working. “Finishing early was definitely a push when he joined the Army,” Courtney says. “If I can get it done faster, it’s less time we have to spend apart.”

In addition to an intense academic schedule, Courtney has also missed out on sleep since Jace went to South Korea. “I wake up in the middle of every night to talk to him,” she says. “We think it’s important to talk as much as we can.”

One of the most important things Courtney has given up was her dream of having traditional Catholic ceremony. Although the couple planned on having a big wedding, when Jace heard he was being deployed, plans changed. The only way Jace would be able to receive any time off in Korea when Courtney visited was if they were married.

Instead of the big wedding, the couple was married by a judge at a gazebo garden near the courthouse in Overland Park, Kansas. The guest list was small, with only Courtney’s parents, sister, best friend, and Jace’s mom and best friend in attendance. Once Jace’s two-year stay in Korea is over and the couple returns to the U.S., they plan on redoing their vows the way they wanted to do them.

Independent women
Military wives don’t want a pity party. Their situation is different—and difficult—but they learn how to cope and adjust to the lifestyle they married into.

Since Jamaica’s husband didn’t make it home until right before their son was born, she had to go through the struggle of being pregnant on her own. The biggest challenge Jamaica had to face on her own while being pregnant was learning how to fix her car. Fortunately, she was able to spend most of her time at home in Nebraska with her family and friends to help her.

But it’s not just special circumstances like pregnancy that make these women strong. They do everything on their own. “We are not only the wife, but the husband, the daddy, the bill payer, the car maintainer, and everything else—we have to be,” says Jamaica. “I am more independent than I ever thought possible.”

Patiently waiting
Both Courtney and Jamaica know that their lifestyles force them to think about things that other people probably wouldn’t consider. “There are things I have to worry about that normal people don’t have to worry about on a regular basis,” says Courtney. She spends her spare time watching the news and keeping updated on the war and the presidential candidate race, all of which have special meaning for military wives.

Jamaica’s lifestyle on the base is drastically different that of a traditional newlywed couple. “We live in a community where civilians are held to a higher standard, just like the Marines we married,” she says. “We share the roads with Humvees and seven-ton trucks. Our husbands are skilled riflemen and ready to defend your freedom at any moment.”

Jamaica says that some of the best support comes from the community around her. “The Marine Corps does a great job of providing many ways for wives to get together and support each other,” she says. The base also offers free counseling, base-wide events, and volunteer opportunities.

Military wives are unlike any other. Their husbands made the decision to enter the military lifestyle—and they graciously follow suit. They sacrifice to be with the ones they love. But the most compelling, most important feature in these few and proud is their Army strength.

Copyright ©Drake Magazine Online 2008   *denotes Late Spring 2008 Stories